winter tales

here are some pics of recent events. lovely courtney visited from nyc. snow. snowshoeing. icicles. cougar prints! birds. dear deer. moon. christmas. rosehips. funny. love. xoxo

go cougs!

i am not a sports fan. but i love nature. on the first morning of this new year, i looked off my deck and saw some VERY large prints in the snow and thought 'who had the big dog here last night?' on further investigation we determined they might be cougar tracks, but the doubters in the group shot that idea down. the following evening i had my dad drop me off a the top of canal canyon and i walked across the base of the mountains and down to the ranch, about an hour total. while walking i thought, what if those were cougar tracks. what if he's tracking me? what would i do? as soon as i stepped in the door safe and sound my mom called asking if i was ok and telling me someone had found a freshly killed deer with its hind quarters and entrails eaten on the very land i had just walked across. obviously the work of a cougar. i told her about the prints and determined the large kitty had been sniffing round my door. today my friend visiting from new york and i skied up to the mouth of bill allred canyon, and there found FRESH cougar tracks coming down from the canyon. we're talking maybe an hour old . . . not crusty at all, still warm almost. fortunately i had come prepared with some bottle rockets to scare it off with if we met up with it . . . (pathetic i know, but i don't have a gun!). we didn't see it or more tracks, but its amazing/scary to know he is living so close. i hope i get to see him this winter!

merriest of christmases to you

hi friends.
sorry i'm such a slacker poster. but i thought i'd send a little holiday greeting and my love to whomever looks (especially you ashmae for looking so often). i'm in new york for christmas with my sisters. its always a little surreal to be here because its so familiar that i never seem to notice an adjustment. even coming from my silent snowy solitude at the ranch. strange to watch so many people rushing about shopping on christmas eve, i wonder what deer have been in my yard today, and what the cats have been doing. its lovely to be with my sisters and friends though. i hope you all have a cozy, loving holiday. i love christmas for the sheer fact that it is a time to contemplate the miraculous birth of that miraculous babe, born in a manger who lived, died, and rose again perfectly for me and for you. i love him. and i love you all. xoxo. merry christmas.

melegrano

the other day pomegranates were on sale for .99 cents at terrels. i love pomegranates. they are the most beautiful of all fruits. they are like a next of glorious gems hidden under that gorgeous red skin. i love the way they taste and feel in your mouth. i love to just look at them for hours. in italy i became obsessed with them and would buy them at the market each day to draw in class. i did lots of drawings, and then an extensive etching of them. i miss making drawings. i am going to start doing that. and painting. its been too long. sigh.

thanks to be given

1. beautiful view of a beautiful valley with beautiful clean air to breath and a beautiful canyon to hike in.
2. mom and dad so close and sisters far away.
3. savior's love
4. thesis DONE!!!
5. dear friends
6. dear deer
7. soon snow
8. knitting/woodstove
9. health
10. three warm kitties.
xoxo happy thanksgiving.

foccacia mia

so the night before my defense i spent several hours in the kitchen relieving stress by making foccacia that i hoped would be good enough to distract people from my presentation the next day (its tradition in our department that you bring food for people who come to your defense). you'd think making something for the first time wouldn't be the smartest idea for such an important event, but that's never stopped me before. i used the recipe from the cook's illustrated baking book, mixed with some elements from jamie oliver (naked chef). i made a rosemary and olive oil one, a caramelized onion one, and tried to recreate the green olive foccacia i would buy each week at a little foccocceria down the street from my school when i lived in florence. they turned out pretty good and i'm excited to experience with some new flavors.

in case you were wondering . . .

this is where i live.

jack of all trades, master of . . .

ONE!!!
thanks to all your prayers and support . . . i passed! it went well, and despite me being really nervous, i got a lot of great feedback and people loved it. most especially my committee loved it. i have to do some revisions, but i will still graduate in december. whew. i am so so happy. thanks again for all your love and support!

please please please

tomorrow at 11 am is my defense (yipes!) i'm excited and nervous. i have my powerpoint ready and my clothes laid out. so if it isn't too much trouble, if you wouldn't mind saying a little tinsy prayer for me i would greatly appreciate it. love you all. xoxo

tales of hans the brave, etc.

so yesterday inga and i were looking out the window at two deer, a mama and a baby (if you haven't noticed, there are a LOT of deer around my place these days). The mama was looking very worriedly under inga's truck, her ears kept flicking, and her nose was twitching. we were just as bewildered trying to figure out what she was looking at, when none but mr. hans stepped coyly out from under the truck. he gave sort of half a glance at the deer, turned and sauntered off. earlier that day i'd hear a bunch of deer stampeding and i'm almost certain hans was chasing them.

then today annalisa and i decided to take a little hike up bill allred canyon to my favorite spot. now hans makes the walk out to the pigs with me every morning and evening, and spends prodigious amounts of time outside, so i thought i'd invite him on our hike. mind you this is probably a three mile hike or so, not so long, but very long for a cat. he trotted along quite well, but after a while got tired and proceeded to meow and meow in his full husky voice. what ensued was a combination of me carrying him, him being upset by that, me deciding maybe this time he'd follow, but he'd just go sit under a tree and yowl. so i carried him. once up in the canyon he was happy as a clam exploring and being his jungle cat self (it was such a pretty day up there!)
.
but then when it was time to turn around and head home, he once again yowled and hid under trees. so i carried him again and invented this most useful cat snuggly. all in all it was a grand adventure for mr. hans, and he has been asleep by the first ever since we got home. poor tuckered whiney baby.
in other news . . . analisa and some kids from aspiro helped me load manure and leaves for two days and put the garden to be for the winter! we used the sheet mulching technique were you make a lasagna of cardboard, manure and leaves over your garden. this will decompose under the snow and give you rich, weed resistant soil in the spring. yeah!

r.i.p. mama africa

one of my musical heroes died doing what she loved yesterday, singing on stage in southern italy. miriam makeba, or 'mama africa' was a huge voice of south african music and also spoke out openly (and appeared before the UN) against apartheid. because of this she was exiled to the u.s. for awhile. i first heard her from my dad, and then learned more of her when she was featured in 'amandla: a revolution in four part harmony' (if you haven't seen it DO IT). her music is so gorgeous, she is so gorgeous, and she sings from a real and beautiful place.

title track

this morning i was sitting in one of my four window seats enjoying the sun and watching a deer nibble on grass outside, sifting through the still fresh snow. i thought of a line from 'poisenwood bible' (barbara kingslover, if you've not read it, DO IT) "i trust in creation that is made fresh each day". and as i sat i thought about this idea, of the miracle, majesty and mystery of nature/creation. i spend so much time just looking at the sunset, or the snow fall, or the deer munching in my yard . . . and i feel inspired, and connected to all of it. i am amazed that nature goes on doing it beautiful amazing thing all the time, regardless and totally indifferent to whether i am watching. i hope i can be like this. create, and be beautiful and inspiring with no audience. to do it all for love of being what i am and in love of the creator of all. i know these are not new or profound thoughts, but they slide around in my mind, and become more real the more time i spend watching, listening and feeling. this song by beth gibbons (of portishead) sums up a lot of what i feel, the opening line "god knows how i adore life" sums it all up. if i had to pick a title track for my life, this would be it. plus, this video? so gorgeous.

do your duty with a heart full of song

i'm pretty excited about this family moving into the white house. what a great day for america! however, president obama will need help in bringing about change. america as we know it is largly controlled by big business corporations and getting the voice of the people heard will be no small feat. that is why we need to respond to obama's plea that we serve more and sacrifice more. here is one way i believe we can make a difference. lets not let our momentum for change fade, lets not leave the fate of our nation and our lives in the hands of one man (no matter how good and competent he may be). lets let our voices be heard. please sign up for the nov. 5 movement. xoxo
http://november5.org/

today is a beautiful day . . .

because
1. i voted (hope you did too!)
2. it's SNOWING outside and i have a new wood stove at the lodge
3. i handed in a 99 page document yesterday which means a least for a little while i have a free ticket to read in bed, watch movies, start knitting my sweater, clean the lodge, visit with inga the awesome girl from iceland who is staying with me, or just curl up with some pero and watch the snow come down. i deserve it. after all i herded one of the blankety blank pigs for 45 minutes this morning.

i thought i was done

but she told me to rewrite one section by monday . . . and then turn it in. so my plans for blissful vegging and hiking all weekend were shot and i'm back to my beloved laptop . . . speaking of beloved inanimate objects . . . it could've been worse, i could have been married to the berlin wall like this lady. so so weird. at least i'm only on my way to being a crazy cat lady, not a crazy 'i'm married to the berlin wall' lady.

you know you're procrastinating when . . .

actually i'm not. i'm DONE!!! but i'm waiting to hear from my thesis chair whether she thinks its good enough to defend. waiting on pins and needles. so thanks laura for giving me internet quizzes to distract me.

Your dating personality profile: Religious - Faith matters to you. It is the foundation that you build your life upon. You trust that God has a plan for you. Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love. Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Religious 2. Big-Hearted 3. Liberal 4. Intellectual 5. Romantic 6. Adventurous 7. Practical 8. Athletic 9. Traditional 10. Wealthy/Ambitious

Your date match profile: Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living. Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life.

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Religious 2. Practical 3. Big-Hearted 4. Shy 5. Traditional 6. Romantic 7. Intellectual 8. Adventurous 9. Athletic 10. Conservative

Take the Dating Profile Quiz at Would I Date You

could have been

yesterday in a fit of procrastination, i went digging around in some old papers i collected my senior year of college for a project i did getting to know my great-grandmother through other people's memories. zina lenore cannon wood is my namesake, and was a lovely woman from what i've gathered. she was well-educated, loved shakespeare, hard working, service minded (she was a social worker in berkley for a long time), and loved by all who knew her.
and she was loved by this man
wallace bennett (who went on to become a repulican senator from utah, as did his son who still is). apparently they were sweethearts for quite sometime, and yesterday while reading some documents i found he even gave her a diamond . . . which she kept for some time, but finally gave back. i wonder why? not that i mind. i'm not sure how i'd feel about being bob bennett's grand-daughter instead of owen and lenore's granddaughter. still funny to think how s many lives may have been changed. funny to think how our decisions affect people we never meet years later. i've always taken comfort that she wasn't married till 28 or was it 29? there's still hope for me . . .

of wasps and men

well, i'm no longer an ER virgin. thanks to the ever so tiny, but ever so bad (for me) stings of two wasps last week i wound up completely puffed up, covered with hives, and finding it difficult to breath in the mt. pleasant ER. thank goodness my friends magnus and adam had come for a visit and were the heroes of the day. they drove me there, they politely stood aside while i vomited, held my hand while the nurses poked about in vain trying to hit my vein without ever succeeding, and made sure i made it home safe and well. thanks guys! it was an exciting break from thesis writing!

halloween is a scary scary day

because that is the day i have to turn my thesis manuscript into my committee. EEEK! after four straight hours of meeting with members of my committee yesterday, some fool hardy confidence and a BURNING desire to be done will hopefully be enough to get me through the next eight days. last night i dreamed all night of collecting data . . . except it was my cats working that i was studying . . . so weird. wish me luck! xoxo

show don't tell

this is pretty much my life these days. in case you were wondering.

Hans!

yes, its true. your worst fears for me are being realized (kate). i am becoming a crazy cat woman. because two weeks ago when i took my grandma's poodle to get its hair did at the vets and saw on the door a sign that read 'free bengal cat' and then when i met said bengal cat and felt the words 'i'll take it' slip out of my mouth, i sealed my fate. but really how could i not take him? he's gorgeous, sweet, good natured, polite, and free! like flannery o'conner said 'a good man is hard to find'. so shoot me. the bad news is he and reuben don't get along at all. its lots of growling and hissing. sigh.

Church Talk

I am attending a tri-stake singles branch here in Sanpete. There are about 30 of us, most under the age of 21. Today I was asked to give a talk on 'what the gospel means in my life'. It was actually one of the harder topics I've ever been assigned (and I've had to do mothers & fathers days, and two Easter Sunday talks AND a law of chastity talk in another singles ward. . . ) not because I had to study up on it, but because it was so personal and emotional. I'll admit I cried, frequently, because I feel these things deeply and sharing them is sometimes difficult. but I want to share it with you all- whoever hasn't given up on my blogging entirely (I know I've been REALLY bad at it, I promise I'll do more. . .). Take it as you will. xoxo

What the Gospel Means in My Life
• Covenants: When asked ‘what matters most’ a few summers ago, I determined that while my family, the church, friends, nature and many other things matter a great deal to me, the things that matters most and in fact gives meaning to all the things I love, are my covenants made in holy temples with my Father in Heaven. What a miraculous thing to have the binding power of the priesthood here on the earth so that I can make everlasting promises to my Father and in turn he makes promises back to me. Without these covenants all that matters would be lost, I would not have the assurance of being with my family forever, I would not have the assurance that the gospel plan with continue for me forever, I would not have the knowledge that my friends and loved ones may be a part of my life eternally, and I would not have the precious assurance that my life will continue on and on without end. However, these covenants can remain empty if not filled with the fruits of the gospel, so here are some of the fruits I have experienced in my life through experimenting on the word.
• I Need Not Fear: 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind”. The Gospel gives me an everlasting peace and assurance that no matter what happens in my life, it will be ok. There will never be anything so big or so difficult or so devastating that I cannot deal with it and overcome it through reliance on the Savior’s redeeming love and sacrifice. This sense of assurance and peace is earned through our obedience to the Lord’s commandments and counsel received in the scriptures, through modern prophets and by the spirit to our hearts. Failure to obey results in a failure to access the divine peace and security Christ offers. The righteous need not fear is a profoundly comforting phrase. This peace gives me comfort as I face difficult decisions in my life, heavy burdens that come through living and loving, and in times of physical danger and distress.
• Hope: The Gospel allows me to hope for those things that are not seen but believed in my life. I can hope in the power of the atonement when I have sinned or fallen short. I can hope for the promised blessings of family and companionship if I remain faithful. I can hope in the promise of beautiful things to come in this life and the next. I can hope even in dark and troubling times that the Savior will come and we will have peace on this earth. I can hope for the salvation of those who have strayed or not yet heard the Gospel. I can hope that I may one day return and live with God. My Patriarchical Blessing serves as a great source of hope in my life, I know that the promises given there are from a loving Father and will be fulfilled according to my faithfulness and his timetable.
• Comfort: Because Christ suffered every sin, temptation, affliction, heartache, disappointment, sorrow, sickness, and pain I know I always have a place to receive real, undiluted, lasting comfort. One of my favorite scriptures is Matthew 11:28-30 'Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light'. I have experienced on countless occasions my heavy heart being supported, and my sorrows being healed. Christ truly is the balm of Gilead and knows how to succor each of us in our hours of need if we turn to him.
• The Gospel gives Assurance and Solutions in troubling times: In a world filled with so many different issues, agendas, intellectual philosophical, political, and academic pursuits it is sometimes overwhelming to try and make sense of it all and determine how you can help alleviate the suffering, corruption, and many problems that fill the worlds families, communities and nations. It can be deeply frustrating and discouraging to try and solve these problems when left to the meager devices found amongst men. However, through an understanding and belief in the power of the atonement, the priesthood, and the plan of salvation, we find useful and lasting solutions to many of these issues. Those which are not immediately solved may still cause consternation and distress, but we are able to trust in the Lord and have faith that all these things shall give us experience and that it is never worth giving up the battle for good. What a powerful gift it is to have true and lasting optimism in the face of so many community and world problems. (*give example of Joyce from Kenya, or your own political involvement and decisions to not allow the negative to become your reality).
• Guidance: The Gospel provides and constant source of divine guidance in my life. Because of the miraculous gift of the Holy Ghost I am able to seek answers to my questions and guidance in my choices. I am able to make decisions in my life and gain assurance that what I am doing is right, or wrong. I am able to receive guidance on how to live and navigate troubling times as I listen and obey the counsel of prophets both ancient and living who speak to us directly in our time. I am able to gain access to the needs and wants of others as I receive promptings, no matter how small, from the Holy Ghost and strive to lift others burdens.
• The Ability to TRULY Change: This is perhaps one of the most profound aspects of the Gospel in my life. I am so very very grateful to my Father in Heaven for his unlimited patience with me as I bumble my way through this life, sometimes seeming to make every mistake and wrong decision possible. I am so grateful that his arms of mercy are continually outstretched to catch me and comfort me when I stumble, when I fall, and even when I willfully disobey. I am also so grateful that he lets me makes the decisions on when and how I change. I’m sure it must pain him greatly sometimes to watch as I drift from him, he patiently waits for me to come on my own time and in my own way. The greatest times of joy in my life have come when I am able to come to the realization that I need to change, and then gather the courage and desire to do so, and am then so lovingly allowed to through the great and lasting sacrifice of my Savior Jesus Christ. I cannot explain exactly how this process has worked in my life, but I do know that once I determine my course of action, my Heavenly Father slowly allows my heart to change, soften and turn towards him. As this takes place I am able to let go of sins and weakness and become whole through him. (*tell story of my conversion over the course of college).
• The Gospel gives me reason and compulsion to look outside myself and care more for others: while I am not perfect in this, the Gospel has provided a sense that human relationships are of the utmost importance and are worth the time, effort, pain and joy that accompany them. These relationships become more lasting and rich as I realize that we are all children of God and in our own way are doing our best to manifest the truth that is in us. Knowing that God deeply loves each of us helps ease the burden when I see my loved ones struggling or lost and helps me to never give up in trying to ease their burdens and gently lead them to the light. (the story of the Carnie on your mission)
• Who I Am: the Gospel teaches me who I am. I am a daughter of God, and I have a foreordained mission on this earth. I know that I am infinitely loved for being exactly who I am. I know that there expectations on me given out of love and confidence. I know that I always have somewhere to turn for comfort, guidance and love. I know that my existence is not limited to this earth, and that through Christ I will be able to go on in happiness and truth forever.
• JOY: 2 Nephi 2 teaches, “Adam fell that man might be, men are that they might have joy”. The culmination of these many blessing of the Gospel in my life is a resounding joy. The Gospel, its message and meaning bring a quality of joy and happiness that goes beyond any I have found in any other pursuit. This joy seems to resonate on a deep and eternal level, and fuels me to continue onward, to repent, endure, and to always serve.

back on the ranch

hi folks.
sorry for the summer blogging hiatus. but i'm back! and with big news. . . i moved! i guess that isn't that big of news, but it feels big to me for after five years in provo (wow was it really five???) i have gone back to my roots, i've moved back to sanpete county. . . and to be precise am living on the ranch (yes the same one i work at all summer). it came about because a. i knew i needed to leave provo, b. i NEED to finish my thesis and c. the whole summer at the ranch i kept looking around and thinking 'man i sure love it here, i wish i could just stay'. . . and then i figured why not? we have a beautiful straw bale lodge that needs care and watching, so i am the steward of the lodge, land, pigs, reuben my cat and now momo the ranch kitten. moving down involved several painful days of packing, cleaning, a u-haul, and lots of sweat. thanks to those that helped. i'm slowly settling in and making the lodge more of a home and am enjoying immensely the open space, quiet, solitude and beauty. i have the best view of the valley and sunsets, 80 acres at my discretion, and tons of fun projects like building some small winter garden greenhouse things, stained glass, furniture making, a rag rug loom, and for the past couple of days i've borrowed my mom's pressure steamer and have been canning green beans from the garden. so far i am loving it. last night i couldn't fall asleep because i kept thinking of projects and things i want to do. and this morning on my walk around the property i kept pinching myself thinking how lucky i am. i have no internet (which is a good thing.. .die facebook die) so blogging may be here and there but hopefully a lot more interesting. i have been reading lots, watching planet earth, writing snail mail letters, and just being still. it does get a bit lonesome, but there is PLENTY of space for guests and parties. so consider yourself invited any ol' time you need a break from inversion, traffic, noise, or people. xoxo, zina