mile high

guess which pretty city i got to visit last week? it was my first weekend off in almost two months so i was ready to get out of town and enjoy gorgeous weather, wonderful food, lovely sites and excellent company.

NOOOOOO!!! someone stole my idea!!!!

my closest friends can vouch for this, i have had this idea of drive-by musicalings for a LONG time, we're talking i cooked up this idea in high school. the premise is this: a group of unassuming folks disperse at random around a grocery store, someone hijacks the speakers in the back and suddenly we are in full swing musical song and dance numbers with carts whirring up and down the aisles, fruit and boxes and bread flying through the air in perfect choreographic delight . . . you get the picture . . .magic! then as soon as the number is over all the performers run into a van waiting by the doors and drive off to hit another unsuspecting grocery store in another mid-sized town. but alas, i discovered today on my friend dainon's blog, that someone has already done it. not quite as choreographed or awesome as i would do it, but still they took my idea. :(

viva la france!

so i spent the morning talking with pat, the other teacher that i am leading a group of students to france with this spring. we talked about all sorts of lovely things, and she showed me little villages and hidden gems we can visit (she is from france and therefore has all the scoops). our conversation left me feeling all giddy and breezy and dreaming of turquoise waters, medieval castles, creamy cheeses and all things french. and then i walked out into a perfect stormy fall day, which for some reason put me in an andrew bird sort of mood. and then i thought, perfect! la blogotheque! the wonderful little site where they film artists that come through paris in intimate, interesting, and unassuming settings, doing there thing. so here is the dashing andrew doing his thing in montmarte.

#45.2 - Andrew Bird - Weather Systems
Uploaded by lablogotheque. - Independent web videos.

and then, because i love this, and it's the first blogotheque i ever saw, arcade fire. my favorite is the elevator part.

too rich for these veins!

holy spendy cow batman! i just found this report that shows my alma mater sarah lawrence to be the most expensive college in the u.s. $54,410 a year!!!! dang girl! i thought it was pricey when i went there, but it's almost $20,000 more than it was 10 years ago. i'm glad i'm not a freshman applying now! sheesh! how do people afford college? i mean is it really worth that much? don't get me wrong, i love the ol' slc and loved my classes and experiences there, but that much money just seems ludicrous. what am i going to do with my little ones (that i don't even have yet) grow up and want to follow their mama's footsteps? at that point it will probably be $200,000 a year. crap.

chez moi

here are some pics of my little cottage house. it's snug and warm and oh so nice. missing are pics of the kitchen cupboards and sink, my weird-o vintage gas heater, the bathroom, and my closet/changing room. so more to come. as you can see, there is room to share, so come for a visit! xoxo

it's autumn time it's autumn time

the leaves are (sort of) falling down! this last week my hiking/gardening class and i have helped my parents pick the apples in their orchard, and yesterday we made apple cider with my families ancient hand cranked press. this is quintessential fall for me, as i've done this every year for as long as i can remember. there is nothing better then fresh squeezed cider! so last night, to celebrate the fresh cider, i decided to try my hand at homemade doughnuts to go with it. i'd never made them before, but baker's illustrated (only the BEST baking book ever, from america's test kitchen dudes) came to the rescue and we made some delicious buttermilk doughnuts and enjoyed them and cider, by the second fire in my fireplace.
i've decided this year that fall really is, hands down, my favorite season. i love the crisp air, the brisk breezes, the golden sun, the gorgeous leaves, the dusting of snow on the mountain peaks, the first smell of woodsmoke wafting through a neighborhood at night, wearing sweaters and vests, rainy days, sunny days . . . all of it. so great.
i hope you all are enjoying fall wherever you may be- hopefully sipping a warm beverage, curled up by a warm fire with a lovely book and a howling wind outside!

this is really dorky.

the tale of hitcher the brave

so yesterday i accidentally (and unintentionally i might add) stole my friend's neighbor's cat. oops.

i had driven to provo with my parents and greatly enjoyed the first session of conference with them and my grandmother. i then ventured out in the gloomy rain to enjoy the second session with my friend and his family. i was parked outside their house for oh, about four hours. then i headed back to provo, picked up the 'rents and headed home. my parents dropped me off in mt. pleasant, and then on to spring city. they commented that when they got out of the car they thought they heard a cat meowing, but didn't see one and so went inside. this morning my mom went out and heard a cat meow again, and so investigated. she searched all over the car, under the seats, in the back . . . and then she lifted the hood and found THIS adorable black kitten lying on the engine!!! this little tenacious thing had crawled up in our car presumably whilst i was parked in salt lake, and stayed there ALL THE WAY TO SPRING CITY!!! and it was RAINING!!! poor little dear. he's such a little lover, and short haired too. i flirted with the idea of adopting him, i even named him 'hitcher', but i held strong. i don't need to be one cat closer to crazy cat lady-dom (though some might argue i'm already there . . . kate). so i generously gave him to the woman who runs the equestrian program here. she said she'd make him a barn kitty . . . until she saw him. they she said he might be a house cat. little hitcher, my halloween kitty good omen.hitcher and his new mama

i did a very brave thing today!

and i'm posting twice in one day! woah! the brave thing was i rescued a snake. YEAH. i know ME, and a SNAKE. for those of you who have not had the pleasure of being around me and a snake at the same time let me explain: i hate them. yes, i realize admitting this is embarrassing. i like to think of myself as loving god's creation and being pretty savvy in the outdoors. but when it comes to those long, appendage-less critters i get pretty jumpy. maybe it stems from the numerous times my cousins and older sister chased me around the yard with snakes, or the time i ran out of our class field trip to the bean museum crying because of a big boa . . . i don't know what it is, but they give me the creepy crawleys. however, this spring in costa rica, one night an older gentleman named bob with an adorable lisp stopped by the place we were staying on his way back from snake hunting. not hunting to kill, just to look. and that night he had been looking for a bushman- only the second most poisonous snake IN THE WORLD!!! but bob inspired me. he told me a story of how he had hated snakes until he was 30, and one day he decided to try and like them, and started touching and holding them when given the chance, and then he started to realize how beautiful they are, and started looking for them, seeking them out. now, that's how he spends his evenings, searching for, catching, examining and appreciating snakes. and since i turned 30, i decided i should do the same. the next day in cr, tr and i came across this beauty in the jungle, tr almost stepped on it! but i tried to stay calm and just appreciate how pretty the pale blue skin was and how gracefully it meandered across the trail.
and then today, i took my hiking class up box canyon, in maple canyon, and i found the tiniest most helpless little snake, who at first appeared to be dead. turns out it was just so cold it was having trouble moving. so i carefully scooped it up, put it on my water bottle and promptly walked it ten minutes to a warm sunny rock. i'm nowhere near ready to go seeking out the bushman, but it was a big step in the right direction.

please make a little phone call

hi guys. i love the utah wilderness. probably you do too. please call your congress person and tell them you support wilderness bill hr 1925. it will protect 9 million acres of gorgeous land. if you want to read more, go to my lovely friend ann's blog. she says it better than me. viva la terra!

busy being busy bee

hello friends. that is, if any of you are patient and kind enough to still drop by this silly and woefully neglected blog from time to time. life has been tremendously busy lately. but tremendously good. i bore my testimony yesterday and all i could say was a laundry list of gratitude. i've been blessed. here is a list of recent, and not so recent events:

1. my job is so great. i am loving it. i love getting to know the students (and secretly, i sort of like being called miss bennion, which i didn't think i'd like). i love getting to work hard, long hours doing things that make a difference and revolve around the things i love most. i love too that i teach a hiking class and a games class- this means each afternoon regardless how much stuff i still have on my desk, i get to don my shorts and head out to the glorious outdoors and enjoy. today we had a roudy game of kickball that earned me some new bruises from base sliding.
   
2. the biggest organizational event of my year came and went successfully! somehow i organized and managed 250+ people climbing, attempting to climb and just hanging out on mt. nebo two weekends ago. the day was a big success and we broke all school records with 112 people to the top, 95 of whom were students! the fall colors were perfect, the weather divine, and spirits high and excited. plus my old friend joy (a fellow wasatch '97er) came out to hike as well! two other classmates marta and jess came down to visit as well.

'97 ladies joy, marta, jess, moi, joe in the back

1. last weekend i had/got to take a group of students rafting on westwater and again we enjoyed perfect warm weather, great water levels, burgers at rays and lots of fun. good bonding time with the students. additional fun was camping out the night before in a gravel parking lot in the abandoned town of cisco where i scared the girls with ghost stories and we counted shooting stars.

sunrise in cisco

1. i finished knitting my sweater! and knitted a hat! woot! i'll post pics i promise. the best part is the sweater is not a frankensweater and i've already worn it in public. whew.
   
2. i finally finished a book on the bus last weekend, the graphic novel 'persepolis' which i've been meaning to read for ages.
   
3. the hens are laying good eggs, and reuben is nice and tan from lots of outdoor time.
   
4. new friends both near and far.
   
5. old friends far and near.
   
6. parents near by.
   
7. god in my life everyday.
   

three decades

i'll admit, i cried a little last night. i'm not sure if it was because i was sad about turning thirty, or stress about school starting the next day, or gratitude for this last decade of life that has been so great. probably all three. it wasn't a bad cry. but i found myself approaching this birthday with a fair amount of trepidation, 30. so big. so not in my 20's anymore. yipes. it's funny as a kid i never gave much thought to planning out my life, but i did have one goal- to have my first kid at age 25 so i would be 30 when they started kindergarten. i'm not sure why. and that obviously didn't happen. but lots of things happened i didn't expect, and that are great, i made a list in my journal last night of all the things i experienced, did, or was blessed with in my 20's. it is a pretty great list. my 20's were wonderful. i graduated from undergrad and grad school. i served a mission for a year and a half. i lived in italy for a year. i traveled to 9 different countries. i learned to knit. i was a librarian in three different libraries. i bought a car. i was in love, and broken hearted. i met scores of wonderful people and am lucky to still call them friends. i kept friendships from before my 20's alive. i started a girl's ranch. i spent more nights outside than i can ever count. i got my sweet kitty reuben (you love that kate). i grew spiritually, intellectually, emotionally. i was blessed daily with all that i need. there were lots more things on the list, but these are the standouts. so thank you to all of you for being a part of my 20's, i feel incredibly blessed for such a rich wonderful life. thanks especially to those two hippies who raised me. and to god for giving me all that i have. xo
p.s. this song in from an album my dad gave me for my birthday!

the birthday boy!

today is a special special day . . . PAPA JOE'S BIRTHDAY!!! my dad is really, THE very best one. he says that all the time to me, and i usually blow him off saying he says that to the dog, but i know really that my dad cares for me more than anything in the world. i think that is the greatest gift he's given me is his undying love and support. there are lots of other things my dad has given me as well, things he's really good at like: my dad taught me to love, respect, and dwell in the outdoors it is his passion that introduced me to the deserts and mountains of utah. still today he hikes in the mountains nearly every morning. my dad taught me to be self-sustaining through his great love of gardening. he is a master and raised me to appreciate picking beans at 6:30 am and snapping peas on the front porch. my dad is a very talented and skilled artist and craftsman. he has taught me through example how to follow my bliss and work hard for the things that you feel called to do. my dad has taught me to care for others, especially those who are hard to love as he has tirelessly volunteered working with prisoners for the last 12+ years. my dad has taught me to take seriously the small and simple things as he has been an above and beyond home teacher, helping bring light to many lives. my dad has taught me to value most the things that matter most through his commitment to our family, and the gospel of Jesus Christ. i realize writing this that so much of who i am today, the things i am most passionate about, are because of my dad's good example. i love you so much dad! i hope this is a great day for you! thanks for being who you are. xoxo
ps if you are his friend on facebook send him a happy birthday message!

ta da!

woo hoo! i'm legit! i came to my office today only to find this had been installed. the last month has been a crazy whirlwind of moving into my new house, getting settled, fixing up the chicken coop and getting 6 lovely ladies (that's a whole other post), meeting new friends, getting my office set up and attending LOTS of meetings. LOTS. I haven't sat this much for a long time. but it's great. i'm so excited about my job, all it entails (which is a LOT) and being a part of this great community. most days i feel like i'm running around with my head cut off, and i'm anxious to get my big white board installed in my office so i have a place to vomit all the stuff in my brain into pictures and words (i'm very visual). i have lots to say, but right now need to finish assembling my new office chair so here is a short list of things that are making me happy right now:

1. my new philodendron plant in my office
2. four fresh eggs a day which = lots of eggs benedict! yum!
3. darling curtains for my bedroom i found on super sale (pictures of new home forthcoming)
4. lots of lovely new friends and lovely old friends coming to visit
5. gorgeous sunsets and clouds
6. my bike is getting fixed!
7. i'm almost done knitting my sweater
8. reuben is so happy in our new house
9. i see my parents often
10. tonight i'm going to the county fair.
    

teen summer so far

so many teens. so much fun. so so tired. it was great taking them to death hollow in escalante, hadn't been there in a decade. this group of 29 boys was pretty exceptional, the best session i've ever had in 7 years. the thing that impressed me most is how kind they were to each other. it's amazing to see that many 12-15 year olds be good to one another. i learned a lot from them little dudes. now we've got an equally great group of girlies. come visit!







p.s. can you guess what my costume is above? hint, i'm not the one with pie filling all over my face.

grama katie

my dear neighbor and life long friend grama katie passed away this last week. i still remember the first day i met her, she and her husband dean moved into a trailer across the street from my house when i was about five, and i was riding my bike up to my best friend jenny's house. katie yelled out to me as i rode past and invited me over for a popsicle, between the constant supply of treats in her freezer (push pops from the schwann man), her kitties and dogs, and her spunky sparkly personality we were fast friends. my sisters and i, and our dogs, beat a path from our back yard to her front porch for many many years. katie was the daughter of croatian immigrants and grew up in the mining town of price utah. she and her husband dean drove semi's together for years and collected an assortment of animals along the way. her house was filled with animal knick knacks, and she was a fierce defender of all four leggeds in our neighborhood. she'd cuss and holler at anyone who mistreated a child or dog or cat, and would call at all hours of the day and night to report any possible danger she observed. she was a treasured neighbor, friend and grama and i'll miss her very much. i'm sure there was a veritable noah's ark waiting for her when she crossed to the other side. love you katie.

how it's only appropriate my evening should end in trying to fix a bus tire

the boys arrive tomorrow for the first session of the ranch. phew. we've had staff training all week and i'm exhausted already. i'm so excited/dreading the inevitable chaos that is slowly swallowing me and will only continue to do so. i've had hardly any time to think about or plan for the new job. i hope two weeks is sufficient before i start in august.
the garden i planted is coming along, we've been eating spinach and radishes from it. the tomatoes are looking great, the beets, arugula, squash, brussel sprouts, etc. are coming along, and i got all my been starts transplanted. the good news is its been really rainy, the bad news is its been cold and i'm worried somethings haven't faired so well. you win some. you lose some.
also, i'm sorry i'm such a bad blogger. i'm infrequent and never write anything all that great. is should do better. meow. p.s. this is a photo i took one year ago today. silver grotto, grand canyon.

slothtastic!

sorry for the sloth-like delay in posting anything about my trip. it's been a little crazy. i got back from cr last thursday morning at 3 am, then left at 5 am on a weekend river trip down cataract canyon with the wasatch academy jr. class. the trip was a blast, but the water was HUGE (40,000 cfs). we had two flips and a broken down bus on the way home (for 7 hours), so i didn't get home till 5 am monday. since then i've been packing all my belongings and trying to move out of the lodge so we can get it ready for the ranch to start. today i am leaving for snowbird for a week to do a wilderness first responder first aid course (wfr). craziness! but fun!
so . . . i did indeed see a mama sloth and her baby, but not at the sloth sanctuary. we never made it to the Caribbean side after being told it was a gross scene by some germans we met at playa matapalo. incidentally, said germans were also the one's who pointed out this sloth to me in the almond tree right next to the beach we were lounging on. we watched her and her wee on for all three days we were there. i got to see her and the baby seperate, eat leaves, yawn, and move it's hand (this is a big deal considering she is motionless most the time!). truly, it satisfied all my sloth dreams.

awkwardness.

i'm back! no sloth flu. great trip. pictures and stories to come. but in the mean time, please amuse yourselves with this awesome awkward family photo website. amazing.

slotharific

so i leave for costa rica tomorrow night. i've been researching my brains out. there are just too many things to do/see . . . not to mention the point of this trip it so relax . . . i'm thinking a week in the mountains (volcano's, cloudforests, and a weird topiary town i found) and then a week on the beach. originally i was thinking pacific side a la nicoya peninsula, but the more i research, the more i like the southern caribbean side especially when i found THE SLOTH SANCTUARY!!! where you can kayak along a river looking at wild sloths and then go HOLD BABY SLOTHS!!!! if you've got the cash you can even SLEEP WITH THE SLOTHS!!! oh man. i have to go there. (plus they have a 'slothpital'). plus i've been looking at heading to bocas del toro, these awesome islands just over on the panama side that look pretty sweet. we'll see. it'll be an adventure for sure. in other news annalisa & i got all the tomatoes planted in the garden, plus several types of lettuce, spinach, endive, peas, some onions, beets, etc. plus i have a bunch of stuff started indoors. yeah garden! yeah sloths!

a-dor-a-ma-ble

my sister sent my mom this link and its so so great. if you have a dog, have ever had a dog, or just like things that warm the heart and remind us of the simple things in life, watch. enjoy. xoxo

becoming an adult

i have wondered for awhile when i will feel like an adult. i have in my life somehow eluding the traditional demarcations of marriage, children, career, etc. i read in my gerontology class about how single women often feel that transition when they buy a home. perhaps this is why lately i look longer at for sale signs, letting some brief, poignant fantasy of a life that could be in those four walls and roof for me. however, i think i am beginning to get there. i got a job. a real one. a grown up one. one with salary, health benefits, a house, security. i'm thrilled. i'm thrilled not only because i can go get a check up and take my student loans of economic hardship deferment, but i'm thrilled because this is a dream job. i am the new director of experiential education at wasatch academy (a private mostly boarding school in mt. pleasant utah, and my alma mater). sounds legit right? i'm going to be in charge of coodinating all outdoor education, service learning, and international education. again, i'm thrilled. i have so many ideas. i love working with high school age. i love doing things that make a difference in people's lives. i love being outdoors. i love boarding school communities. i love that i will still be 5 miles from my parents and in the valley i call home. maybe, just maybe, i'm becoming an adult.

another blog

i've had this idea for awhile, to create sort of an online community for sharing goodness, light, faith, etc. so i started a new blog the 13th, after the 13th article of faith which states:
"We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things".
good stuff. especially that seeking after lovely, virtuous, praiseworthy things.

birthday wishes

to the queen of wishes. i think i will forever associate the word 'wish' with miss kate f. she is full of the most delightful, thoughtful, poignant, and true wishes. and she lives each day of her life fulfilling in some way some part of each wish. she is lovely, gracious, classy, and sincere. she is fierce in her passions, she is dedicated in her love, she is committed in her faith, and she is stalwart in her living. i am so grateful for our friendship and look forward to a lifetime of it. may all your birthday wishes come true dear kate, every last one.

my so called life.

so when i was 13, just after a documentary on my father came out called 'the potter's meal', my uncle howard and sister louisa and i made this spoof. i haven't seen it since 1993, but this morning it was magically in my inbox. it's pretty amazing. if you've ever had to watch 'the potter's meal' for a byu class, or know my family at all, or just want to see me at the height of teen awkwardness, then please, be my guest. the funny thing is i'm not that different, i am still bad at telling jokes, i'm still a defender of cats, but at least i'm not wearing those light wash pegged legged jeans anymore with hideous long sleeved purple polo tucked in . . . anyways. happy thursday to all. and send me your teens.

calling all teens

dear my friends who read my blog (all two of you)
actually i'm always surprised by how many people mention they've read this silly/boring little blog, but i figured i might as well try to capitalize on this fact. as many of you know, i work (and currently live) at Birch Creek Service Ranch each year. pretty much its the best place in the world. the ranch is a summer camp for 12-15 year old girls and boys (not at-risk, just normalish teens) and is focussed on teaching them principles of hard work, integrity, service and community mindedness through a curriculum that includes hard physical work each morning (most of which is community service), recreation/arts in the afternoons, cultural enrichment/general fun in the evenings, and backpacking on the weekends. not to mention all the other great aspects that are just inherent in a summer camp setting (i.e. games, swimming, story telling, song singing, pillow fights, etc.). right now we are trying to fill our three sessions (two boys and one girls) and i am asking pretty pretty pleas if you have any teens in your life, or know anyone who has teens in their life, or might have some, PLEASE send them my way!!! you will not regret it. and to back myself i'm going to give you a few testimonials from my thesis (which was an outcome study on the ranch) showing just how great it is! my research showed that there seems to be a pretty strong increase in self-confidence, work ethic, appreciation of nature, independence and social skills for those who attend- and in today's peter pan society, those lessons are worth their weight in gold. so please, do your part, save a teen. xoxo

One mom said: “If you want to teach your kids how to work and how to serve, and give them some independence you have GOT to do this, its huge”.
A campers stated:
“I’ve learned that I can do the work, like I can lift a bale of hay, but that’s not something I use too much. But I’ve also learned that I can get myself to actually work hard and that I can be a hard worker, in school and at home and stuff like that”.
Another talked about the importance the work had for him:
“I think that the work is kind of the point of why you go. Otherwise it would just be another summer camp. The working I think is maybe what is the more meaningful part of the ranch. I don’t really know too many philosophical ideas that go along with the work, but you just um, um, with the work you kind of, it means more than just hanging around and playing. You play, do whatever you want all summer. But at BC you still have responsibilities and you still have stuff to do and you have all summer to just play around so why just go somewhere else to play around”.

2009 dates are:

Boys Session 1 (JUNE 15-JULY 06) 12-15 year old boys—$1500

Girls Session (JULY 10-29) 12-15 year old girls—$1400

Boys Session 2 (AUGUST 3-24) 12-15 year old boys—$1500

we do have some need based scholarships and try to make it work for everyone who wants to come to come.

owl and fishies and friends

thank goodness for wilderness and good peeps. this last week i spent three lovely days in the desert backpacking with friends and it was just what the doctor ordered. grant, chris, annalisa and i went down to the gorgeous cedar mesa area, and hiked down owl canyon, and out fish creek. we spent a day exploring another branch of fish, searching for moon house ruin, but where deterred by a pour off. the canyons were a little more narrow and deep than grand gulch (which i'd done several times before) and more beautiful. lots of deep pools and water, hoodoos in the slickrock, amazing ruins hiding in the cliffs, and all around wonderfulness. we ate good food, talked good talks, got a little cold, soaked in beauty and breathed in good air. it also was a good first of the season blister and sore muscle break in, got to get my feet ready for a summer of outdoors. i love love love being outdoors, carrying what i need on my back, living like a nomad. its a good and necessary change of pace. sometime i'd like to live like that for a whole summer. or year. or decade.

the most important happy birthday!

today is a special special day. and no its not because of leprechauns or four leaf clover or lots of beer. today is special because its my dear wonderful mother's birthday. my mom is the soul of patience, humility, endless service and constant love. she has always been a great source of strength to me, but especially these last few months just by being who she is. i admire her hard work, her dedication to the things, people, animals and places she loves. i am grateful for her constant and quiet faith. i love her so much and am so grateful i was born to her. xoxo

let's get out of the country

it seems that every two years my chronic case of wanderlust flares up so bad that i find myself compulsively buying a ticket to some far off destination usually on a fairly spontaneous whim. four years ago it was norway and brazil. two years ago peru. and this year . . . costa rica. i was visiting with my good friends english and kelly and saying how i realized the other day that if i don't take a little vacation before the ranch starts i'll have spent an entire year living there by the end of the summer and how that was making me feel stir crazy. i told them i was thinking of taking a little trip (having listened to an npr report that day on how cheap airfare is right now) and they started lobbying for costa rica (they spent three weeks there last year and LOVED it). i started looking into it and with cloud forests, volcanoes, gorgeous beaches, tons of wildlife and unlimited hiking i was a pretty quick convert. i checked delta and found i have enough flyer miles to get me there and back for free and called my dear friend/travel partner camille and made short work on convincing her we both need two weeks out of the usa to preserve our sanity. the tickets aren't quite bought yet, but will be soon and i am so happy to have something to look forward to and day dream about. i feel it in my bones that this will be good. so, for any of you who've spent time there, let me know your favorite spots. woo woo!

belated birthday

tuesday was the birthday of lindsey pack attack a doodle. i'm so sorry i didn't post this then, but i still wanted to give a shout out to one of my favoritest people in the WOLRD. pack is the most delightful combination of bright, enthusiastic, fun loving, hell-raising, mischief making, deep talking, good listening, kind acting, love giving, and gorgeous being ever. i love her so so much and am so grateful that she put up with living with me for two years, and still continues to be a tried and true friend. pack is one of the most genuine, down to earth people i know and she cares deeply about how she treats other people. happy late birthday packi!!!! xoxo

spring cleaning

don't worry about me! today is much better. true, my life has been a little on the rough side lately, but in a way, i'm grateful for that. it's given me some opportunities to really dig in and do the work of reclaiming myself and improving (and oh man is there ever room for that!) in a way its perfect spring cleaning time. last night i did a lot of that. i came home from work (i'm working as a painter, not an artsy one) and did a two hour scour on the kitchen, including the fridge (seriously scary). i scrubbed and sanitzed, threw out and listened to 'this american life' and 'radiolab'. it was therepeutic. and then chris and i watched 'all about my mother' (sorry davey!) which, like all almondovar films was AMAZING. seriously. he is a genius. chris and i sat in almost stunned silence afterward, but slowly the deep issues of the film gave genesis for a long and emotional talk about a lot of issues/experiences/views we share. it was a good scrubbing, sanitizing, throwing out discussion. it was a tender mercy. i went to bed feeling much more calm, cried a little in a good way, and fell asleep. i love this life of trial and error, learning from those around us, and doing our best to love. there's really nothing else we can do, right? (and i can't wait to scrub the floor this weekend!)

some days. . .

i feel like this. today at lunch chris and i discussed just how hard/amazing it is to be alive sometimes, and to be a grown up. but i keep kicking my feet, and taking those gasps of air because i know it will get better. and i have a LOT to be grateful for.