birthday wishes

to the queen of wishes. i think i will forever associate the word 'wish' with miss kate f. she is full of the most delightful, thoughtful, poignant, and true wishes. and she lives each day of her life fulfilling in some way some part of each wish. she is lovely, gracious, classy, and sincere. she is fierce in her passions, she is dedicated in her love, she is committed in her faith, and she is stalwart in her living. i am so grateful for our friendship and look forward to a lifetime of it. may all your birthday wishes come true dear kate, every last one.

my so called life.

so when i was 13, just after a documentary on my father came out called 'the potter's meal', my uncle howard and sister louisa and i made this spoof. i haven't seen it since 1993, but this morning it was magically in my inbox. it's pretty amazing. if you've ever had to watch 'the potter's meal' for a byu class, or know my family at all, or just want to see me at the height of teen awkwardness, then please, be my guest. the funny thing is i'm not that different, i am still bad at telling jokes, i'm still a defender of cats, but at least i'm not wearing those light wash pegged legged jeans anymore with hideous long sleeved purple polo tucked in . . . anyways. happy thursday to all. and send me your teens.

calling all teens

dear my friends who read my blog (all two of you)
actually i'm always surprised by how many people mention they've read this silly/boring little blog, but i figured i might as well try to capitalize on this fact. as many of you know, i work (and currently live) at Birch Creek Service Ranch each year. pretty much its the best place in the world. the ranch is a summer camp for 12-15 year old girls and boys (not at-risk, just normalish teens) and is focussed on teaching them principles of hard work, integrity, service and community mindedness through a curriculum that includes hard physical work each morning (most of which is community service), recreation/arts in the afternoons, cultural enrichment/general fun in the evenings, and backpacking on the weekends. not to mention all the other great aspects that are just inherent in a summer camp setting (i.e. games, swimming, story telling, song singing, pillow fights, etc.). right now we are trying to fill our three sessions (two boys and one girls) and i am asking pretty pretty pleas if you have any teens in your life, or know anyone who has teens in their life, or might have some, PLEASE send them my way!!! you will not regret it. and to back myself i'm going to give you a few testimonials from my thesis (which was an outcome study on the ranch) showing just how great it is! my research showed that there seems to be a pretty strong increase in self-confidence, work ethic, appreciation of nature, independence and social skills for those who attend- and in today's peter pan society, those lessons are worth their weight in gold. so please, do your part, save a teen. xoxo

One mom said: “If you want to teach your kids how to work and how to serve, and give them some independence you have GOT to do this, its huge”.
A campers stated:
“I’ve learned that I can do the work, like I can lift a bale of hay, but that’s not something I use too much. But I’ve also learned that I can get myself to actually work hard and that I can be a hard worker, in school and at home and stuff like that”.
Another talked about the importance the work had for him:
“I think that the work is kind of the point of why you go. Otherwise it would just be another summer camp. The working I think is maybe what is the more meaningful part of the ranch. I don’t really know too many philosophical ideas that go along with the work, but you just um, um, with the work you kind of, it means more than just hanging around and playing. You play, do whatever you want all summer. But at BC you still have responsibilities and you still have stuff to do and you have all summer to just play around so why just go somewhere else to play around”.

2009 dates are:

Boys Session 1 (JUNE 15-JULY 06) 12-15 year old boys—$1500

Girls Session (JULY 10-29) 12-15 year old girls—$1400

Boys Session 2 (AUGUST 3-24) 12-15 year old boys—$1500

we do have some need based scholarships and try to make it work for everyone who wants to come to come.

owl and fishies and friends

thank goodness for wilderness and good peeps. this last week i spent three lovely days in the desert backpacking with friends and it was just what the doctor ordered. grant, chris, annalisa and i went down to the gorgeous cedar mesa area, and hiked down owl canyon, and out fish creek. we spent a day exploring another branch of fish, searching for moon house ruin, but where deterred by a pour off. the canyons were a little more narrow and deep than grand gulch (which i'd done several times before) and more beautiful. lots of deep pools and water, hoodoos in the slickrock, amazing ruins hiding in the cliffs, and all around wonderfulness. we ate good food, talked good talks, got a little cold, soaked in beauty and breathed in good air. it also was a good first of the season blister and sore muscle break in, got to get my feet ready for a summer of outdoors. i love love love being outdoors, carrying what i need on my back, living like a nomad. its a good and necessary change of pace. sometime i'd like to live like that for a whole summer. or year. or decade.

the most important happy birthday!

today is a special special day. and no its not because of leprechauns or four leaf clover or lots of beer. today is special because its my dear wonderful mother's birthday. my mom is the soul of patience, humility, endless service and constant love. she has always been a great source of strength to me, but especially these last few months just by being who she is. i admire her hard work, her dedication to the things, people, animals and places she loves. i am grateful for her constant and quiet faith. i love her so much and am so grateful i was born to her. xoxo

let's get out of the country

it seems that every two years my chronic case of wanderlust flares up so bad that i find myself compulsively buying a ticket to some far off destination usually on a fairly spontaneous whim. four years ago it was norway and brazil. two years ago peru. and this year . . . costa rica. i was visiting with my good friends english and kelly and saying how i realized the other day that if i don't take a little vacation before the ranch starts i'll have spent an entire year living there by the end of the summer and how that was making me feel stir crazy. i told them i was thinking of taking a little trip (having listened to an npr report that day on how cheap airfare is right now) and they started lobbying for costa rica (they spent three weeks there last year and LOVED it). i started looking into it and with cloud forests, volcanoes, gorgeous beaches, tons of wildlife and unlimited hiking i was a pretty quick convert. i checked delta and found i have enough flyer miles to get me there and back for free and called my dear friend/travel partner camille and made short work on convincing her we both need two weeks out of the usa to preserve our sanity. the tickets aren't quite bought yet, but will be soon and i am so happy to have something to look forward to and day dream about. i feel it in my bones that this will be good. so, for any of you who've spent time there, let me know your favorite spots. woo woo!

belated birthday

tuesday was the birthday of lindsey pack attack a doodle. i'm so sorry i didn't post this then, but i still wanted to give a shout out to one of my favoritest people in the WOLRD. pack is the most delightful combination of bright, enthusiastic, fun loving, hell-raising, mischief making, deep talking, good listening, kind acting, love giving, and gorgeous being ever. i love her so so much and am so grateful that she put up with living with me for two years, and still continues to be a tried and true friend. pack is one of the most genuine, down to earth people i know and she cares deeply about how she treats other people. happy late birthday packi!!!! xoxo

spring cleaning

don't worry about me! today is much better. true, my life has been a little on the rough side lately, but in a way, i'm grateful for that. it's given me some opportunities to really dig in and do the work of reclaiming myself and improving (and oh man is there ever room for that!) in a way its perfect spring cleaning time. last night i did a lot of that. i came home from work (i'm working as a painter, not an artsy one) and did a two hour scour on the kitchen, including the fridge (seriously scary). i scrubbed and sanitzed, threw out and listened to 'this american life' and 'radiolab'. it was therepeutic. and then chris and i watched 'all about my mother' (sorry davey!) which, like all almondovar films was AMAZING. seriously. he is a genius. chris and i sat in almost stunned silence afterward, but slowly the deep issues of the film gave genesis for a long and emotional talk about a lot of issues/experiences/views we share. it was a good scrubbing, sanitizing, throwing out discussion. it was a tender mercy. i went to bed feeling much more calm, cried a little in a good way, and fell asleep. i love this life of trial and error, learning from those around us, and doing our best to love. there's really nothing else we can do, right? (and i can't wait to scrub the floor this weekend!)

some days. . .

i feel like this. today at lunch chris and i discussed just how hard/amazing it is to be alive sometimes, and to be a grown up. but i keep kicking my feet, and taking those gasps of air because i know it will get better. and i have a LOT to be grateful for.

food chain

saying goodbye to a hen prior to her death

for a long long time i have been wanting to raise and kill my own meat. i've always been a part of some sort of garden (usually my parents), and have been around for and sort of assisted in the killing of pigs and chickens, but never really on my own . . . until last saturday. my mom had a bunch of old hens (6-10 years old) who had lived very happy lives producing eggs, scratching in the dirt and thinking chicken thoughts. however, they were no longer laying that often, and she just got a new batch of chicks who started laying in january, and it was time for the old ones to go. i figured this was my chance, because just killing them and not using them is silly, and i've been wanting to make some good chicken stock (a la nourishing traditions). still, the thought of butchering 8 chickens with only a page long description in my country living skills book seemed daunting (not to mention i usually pass out at the mere mention of blood). fortunately, i somehow mentioned it to a girl at church who said she killed them all the time, and graciously agreed to help. so, me, my mom, and two friends gathered at 8 am on sat. to do the deed. i didn't do any of the actual chopping off of heads, but i held the bodies as the twitched and bled out, and then dipped them in hot water and plucked. the plucking was surprisingly easy, despite the smell of wet feathers, and then i assisted in and de-gutted two all by myself. not pleasant. all in all the process took us almost four hours.

me gutting a chicken, me, christy, shalicia and the chickens
then i took them home ad had to wash them out, cut off the feet and SCRUB them (they are a great source of gelatin in the stock), the necks (sick), and the wings. it is exhausting work to kill, pluck, and prepare chickens! the experience greatly increased my appreciation for quality food, and made me feel like i was really pulling my weight in the food chain. unfortunately the stew i made out of two of the chickens was very tasty, but the meat was like shoe leather. those old girls were tough. today i have the last carcass in the pot making stock (takes about 24 hours a carcass). and i have to say i'm glad its over for awhile.

ready to make some chickie broth

birthdays birthdays

there are a lot of birthdays today and tomorrow. all over the world. hundreds of thousands of people i'm sure. but there are a few special ones i want to shout out.

today, is chris nielson's bday! whoopee! chris is totally great. he plays the cherrango, writes poetry (currently at the ranch as artist in residence), has traveled the globe, speaks spanish like a native chilean, or guatamalen, etc, is real real nice, good at listening, and is passionate about his beliefs and ideals. i'm so grateful to have chris in my life!
chris & i on a crazy motercycle ride in the amazon

next up tomorrow (thursday) is my bff davey baby ornegri. davey is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. he is a devoted friend, travel companion, comforter, and adventure haver. he is kind, caring, hilarious, patient, has impeccable taste, is always up for a good time, and comes down so often to see me. i love davey to pieces and look forward to a lifetime of frienship.

me & davey and some old friends

also tomorrow is sister sara vranes!!! my girl on a mission to texas! sara (aka baby cat) is pure sunshine. she is down to earth, tells it like it is, has an infectious laugh, and it devoted to friends, family and truth. she is my soul sister/kindred spirit to the core. i can't wait for her to get home!!!
sara & i on the salt flats

so happy birthday to three of the greatest people i know!! i xoxoxo love you all SOOO much.

these days

people ask me what i do now that i'm done with school (the diploma came in the mail the other day-- yippee!). the truth is, i'm not always sure. you know how time just kind of slides by without any significant demarcations sometimes? lots of little things come up (a trip to provo and salt lake to recruit campers, someone needs help, etc.), friends come visit (thanks guys!), little projects get done (like making valentines and sending them out), my sweater is gradually getting knitted, i'm slowly cooking/eating/understanding the nourishing traditions way (which includes making my own keifer, sourdough start, bread, soaking everything, sprouting, dehydrating, making whey . . . its intense), i'm teaching (once a week at byu, twice a week esl classes), my scriptures get read each day, the sky and horizon get watched, thoughts get thought, jobs get hunted out, my pile of books slowly gets read (finished the 2008 o. henry short stories last night, there are some gems), movies get enjoyed (recently 'the year my parents went on vacation' a brazilian film that is stirring and gorgeous), walks/skis get taken, meals get cooked, etc. etc. etc. its just a gentle sort of ebb and flow of life these days. today felt particularly productive because i sent our four letters (valentines), changed a flat tire, got the propane tank filled, filed my taxes, and made my lesson plan. lots of time is simple and silent and i'm happy with that.

dreams

last night i had the craziest dream. i dreamt the obama's hired me as a nanny. but one of the girl's was 16 and learning to drive, and so i would teach her to drive in this HUGE old boat station wagon all over d.c. and i kept telling her she was going to fast. then we went to a grocery store and somehow it turned into my friends and i planning a surprise birthday for my friend elaine. and there was a big huge tub of m&ms. and i was in school again and had just written a big paper on shakespeare and figured that i would give elaine a copy for her bday. i mean who wouldn't want someone's paper for a present? and then it turned out at the party that everyone in the world had an inner robot (kind of like a daemon) that came out whenever you were really mad. well a fight broke out and everyone's robot selves started coming out. most of them were really cute, and they were all really different. and then one of my friends turns out had a KILLER inner robot, not killer as in cool, as in if his inner robot ever came out he would DESTROY the world. and that's what he started doing. and i woke up. obama-robot-apocalyptic birthday.

no words! its wednesday!

awesome.

ummm . . . this is amazing. i hope and pray that some evening a lost hunter finds his way to the lodge and i rescue him, we fall in love, we get married, and this is our cake. a girl can dream, right? thanks h for turning me on to these. to see more go here.

my mom rocks

read here an interview from a magazine that just featured my mom's work.

God bless America

winter tales

here are some pics of recent events. lovely courtney visited from nyc. snow. snowshoeing. icicles. cougar prints! birds. dear deer. moon. christmas. rosehips. funny. love. xoxo

go cougs!

i am not a sports fan. but i love nature. on the first morning of this new year, i looked off my deck and saw some VERY large prints in the snow and thought 'who had the big dog here last night?' on further investigation we determined they might be cougar tracks, but the doubters in the group shot that idea down. the following evening i had my dad drop me off a the top of canal canyon and i walked across the base of the mountains and down to the ranch, about an hour total. while walking i thought, what if those were cougar tracks. what if he's tracking me? what would i do? as soon as i stepped in the door safe and sound my mom called asking if i was ok and telling me someone had found a freshly killed deer with its hind quarters and entrails eaten on the very land i had just walked across. obviously the work of a cougar. i told her about the prints and determined the large kitty had been sniffing round my door. today my friend visiting from new york and i skied up to the mouth of bill allred canyon, and there found FRESH cougar tracks coming down from the canyon. we're talking maybe an hour old . . . not crusty at all, still warm almost. fortunately i had come prepared with some bottle rockets to scare it off with if we met up with it . . . (pathetic i know, but i don't have a gun!). we didn't see it or more tracks, but its amazing/scary to know he is living so close. i hope i get to see him this winter!

merriest of christmases to you

hi friends.
sorry i'm such a slacker poster. but i thought i'd send a little holiday greeting and my love to whomever looks (especially you ashmae for looking so often). i'm in new york for christmas with my sisters. its always a little surreal to be here because its so familiar that i never seem to notice an adjustment. even coming from my silent snowy solitude at the ranch. strange to watch so many people rushing about shopping on christmas eve, i wonder what deer have been in my yard today, and what the cats have been doing. its lovely to be with my sisters and friends though. i hope you all have a cozy, loving holiday. i love christmas for the sheer fact that it is a time to contemplate the miraculous birth of that miraculous babe, born in a manger who lived, died, and rose again perfectly for me and for you. i love him. and i love you all. xoxo. merry christmas.