the creep

So the packing continues this lovely Christmas day. . . and so does the discovery of old childhood treasures. When we were little our mommio would make us little simple bound books that we would then draw in and make up stories. We would then narrate the story to mom and she would write on each page what was happening in our drawings. These pages come from a little book that I'm guessing is circa 3-4 years old for me. Apparently I was clearly aware of the male anatomy (my parents always had us use proper names rather than silly nicknames), and apparently even at that young age I understood that guys could be creeps.

Santa Baby

So for those who don't know, my parents sold our home, the only home I've known these past 28 years. But its ok. It's time for them to downsize and build a small energy efficient house. I'm excited for them. As a result, Christmas this year equals packing. And here's a true confession. .. I actually really like sorting, throwing out, packing, cleaning. . . so I guess its good I'm the daughter that still lives close to home. The best part is all the treasures you find. . . like the lock of my mom's golden hair from when she was five and got gum in her hair, to the sweet letter President Kimball wrote to my grandparents, and the best of them all so far. . . (drum roll) was finding my old letters to Santa. Now, let it be known I was and still am, a very trusting/believing person. I held onto the belief in Santa, despite my older sisters best efforts to dissuade, as long as possible. It was only when in third grade and I actually found the stash of my letters in my mom's drawer that I finally threw in the towel. But man, oh man did I write some killer letters. The following are two gems, and then a follow up letter in which I actually ask Santa to be my pen-pal (I was WAY in to pen-pals). Also note my horrible spelling, and the fact that I want a pound purry TWO years in a row . . . which I finally did get. So Merry Christmas all, may we rekindle our childhood belief in a fat man in a red suit who brings us our dreams in a bag. P.S. how awesome is it that I asked for a ghetto blaster? How the crap did I even know what that was? I grew up with no t.v. in a rural farming community???!!!

!!!

I've been a lazy poster, so I think I'll do a bulleted list of whats new in my life:

• my roommates and I just got accepted into the Moab half-marathon!!! this means lots of running for me, some new shoes, and no white flour or sugar.
  
• I am reading "The Idiot" and really liking it. Also read "The History of Love" recently which I LOVED.
  
• Reuben got a sweater and looks real cute in it
• My parents sold our home. . . sad, but good. Looks like Christmas = packing for me.
  
• I had a dream recently about tiny horses that could fly that would nuzzle my nose, I can't stop wishing I really had one.
  
• My sisters were home last week. . . I sure love them.
  
• Hot water bottles are my salvation.
  
• I have been watching "The Long Way Round" this awesome british t.v. show about Ewan McGregor and his best mate Charlie riding round the world on motorcycles. . . sigh. How I wish I were doing that right now.
  
• It's really nice to be in the position of giving and grading final exams rather than taking them.
  

Well, that's pretty much it. Pretty boring, but pretty great. xoxox, zina

look ma, no words!

I know this is nerdy

But I don't really care. In about a week the film version of Philip Pullman's The Golden Compass comes out. I read the books two Christmases ago, and thoroughly enjoyed them. I know there is some controversy amongst the christian world thinking these books are anti-god. I don't care to get into all that, they are based on Paradise Lost and Blake's poetry both of which I love and if they are anti-god so be it. One of my favorite things in these books are that each character has a daemon, which is essentially your soul, that is outside the body and personified in an animal form. Reading the books made me REALLY want a daemon. .. . like the imaginary friend I never had. So when my friend told me about the online quiz where you can find out what your daemon is I was all over it. While a butterfly is not the animal I'd have chosen, I think the description of my personality is surprisingly accurate. I don't know what it means that in the last week I've got two posts with online personality quizzes. .. maybe I'm doing some subconscious soul searching? Anyway, here it is. (p.s. that is a butterfly on my fingers at Foz do Iguacu in Brazil)
BUTTERFLY - Your daemon may be a butterfly. It is ironic that the butterfly traditionally represents the psyche, yet it is one of the least emotive physical forms that your daemon can take. It is very hard to tell what a butterfly is feeling, and perhaps that is why you feel so comfortable with this form. You have many, many friends and a beautiful soul, but you don't like to reveal what your innermost feelings are. You aren't afraid to be yourself - you are vibrant and colourful. But at the same time, you don't like to wear your heart on your sleeve. Take this quiz!

this is what i want

. . .

i can't believe it's almost december. it's almost 2008. i think 2007 is seriously the fastest year of my life. i know people say stuff like that all the time. but really. not joking. there is something eerie about it, like 'hey universe, give me my freaking year back!'. duh.

thankful

I woke up this morning around 5:30 because I was having a dream that I needed to throw up, I realized once semi-cognizant that this was not simply a dream, but a reality. Then ensued about six hours of not so pleasant stomach flu, the likes of which I've not experienced since childhood. And while that aspect of the day was most unpleasant, it has been a little blessing in disguise in that it allowed me a full day of sleeping, reading, cuddling with my cat, and watching Amelie. I was able to read the entire graphic novel "Blankets" by Craig Thompson which I really liked immensely. I also made a mix cd for a friend, and contemplated gratitude on this eve of Thanksgiving. So here is my 2007 partial gratitude list (partial in that it is only a fraction of the things I am grateful for, really stream of consciousness):
-a safe beautiful home with lovely green walls, splendid roommates, and the comfiest bed in the world
-my parents and sisters
-my delicious bike
-my passport and the stamps it acquired this year
-dear friends across the globe
-dear friends who bring me gatorade, sprite and jamba juice when I'm sick
-my little cat
-free wood and a wood stove
-scrabulous
-hard work
-coca tea
-wool felt hats
-the gospel
-making collages
-forgiveness
-a pretty green bracelet
-hiking
-the ranch
-the smell of rain, and woodsmoke
-airplanes
-the best cookie recipe in the world
-hope/faith
-great books/films/music/art

i knew it!!!

This summer at the ranch we had a conversation where we had to decide which character out of all of literature we would be and why. After much thought and consideration it dawned on me that I am totally Elinor from Sense & Sensibility! so I guess its no surprise when I took this quiz and it told me the exact same thing. (can you tell I am procrastinating today? ugh. Elinor would never do that. . . maybe I'm not so like her).

Take the Quiz here!

You are Elinor Dashwood of Sense & Sensibility! You are practical, circumspect, and discreet. Though you are tremendously sensible and allow your head to rule, you have a deep, emotional side that few people often see.

love

I'll admit, I am to some extent a hopeless romantic. while years of being a single gal have taught me to be rational and logical about things, I have somehow maintained the seed of hope that true love does happen every now and again and maybe someday it'll happen to me. this papercut by mister rob ryan makes me believe. so does the danish poet. watch it.

grand gulch

About a month ago I went on a short weekend backpacking trip to Grand Gulch with my friends Lindsay, Grant and Matt. I hadn't been to GG since high school and it was so fun to revisit old ruins and reacquaint myself with that beautiful canyon. It was a perfect weekend, not too hot or cold, all the cottonwoods in glorious yellow array, and a pretty nice length of hiking through the canyon. I really love being in southern Utah, so so much. I'm so grateful my parents raised me with the canyons as my backyard and that I am so lucky as to have traversed a fair amount of wilderness territory. Being on this little trip made me remember/realize how important being outside is for my soul. I love backpacking because there is so much time to just BE in nature and notice small details and think about the natural processes of the rocks and organisms, or your life, or nothing at all. I love the quiet and the stars, and sleeping so well outside. Someone once said that we love being in nature because we are surrounded by beings who are all in total compliance and obedience to God's laws. I like that idea, being in nature can't help but make me think of the most important things and make me feel like I'm a part of it all.

no words peru wednesday

by this ring

I have never been the sort of girl to dream of getting married, weddings, dresses, rings etc. All I've ever know is a) I don't want a diamond b)eloping sounds pretty great and c) if I do have a party it just might be a pot-luck, or a camping trip, or both.
BUT, some time ago I found the Erie Basin jewelery store- based out of Brooklyn, and almost every time I check the site I find at least one ring I think "I could wear that for the rest of my life". Simple, old, lovely.

Not even close to a wordless Wednesday

I really like graffiti. A lot. Where ever I am, I look for it. In Peru it took awhile to find any good stuff, but one day we stumbled into a neighborhood that had some great images. Here are a few. I have a can of gold spray paint and am itching to use it. .. I am thinking of a angle Moroni stencil. . .is that sacreligious?

Gleaning

One of my favorite things to do is glean. My mom taught me all about it as a kid when we'd go around town gathering apples and plums from trees in abandoned lots to make juice, syrup, and jams. And then there is this great film "The Gleaners and I" by the grand dame of French new wave cinema Agnes Varda that I saw a few years ago and think about almost everyday. So you can imagine my delight when my dad told me of a place where I could glean a supply of firewood for this winter at a truss mill in Spanish Fork. It's quite a particular process, wood can only be gleaned from 12-12:30, and you have to get there early to ensure a good place in line, but the wood is in ample supply and we are feeling quite prepared for the cold winter months ahead. Viva gleaning!

sushi

this year for halloween i was a piece of sashimi. I made the piece of tuna out of some foam that I cut and shaped and then spray painted. it was pretty simple and cute. here are pics before heading to a halloween show are gallery 110. tom is a monk, adam is the angel moroni, and davey is reuben cat. I wish the flash weren't so bright because you can't see the sushi that well. oh well. i did wear it all day to school and taught five classes. . . if only classrooms were run by delicious raw fish. . . .mmmm. ... . p.s. look at how scary Reuben's eyes are in the first pic! that was his costume!!! and p.p.s. you can see the makeover we gave our living room! i love the green alfalfa colored paint!
.

Wordless Wednesday (Halloween Kitten)

Mom

This is a copy cat blog from my dad. . . he gave a list of virtues that my mom spoke on in sacrament meeting recently. The best thing about this list is that these are all virtues that my mom possesses. She is the best.
To be patient and kind not only when things are going well, but when things are tough. This includes people and animals. To give service, especially when not asked or assigned. To be sensitive and observant with those you live and work around; Those who are easiest to ignore or take for granted. To pray everyday. To not take offense when none is intended. To be honest with yourself. Do not make excuses or justifications for thoughts or actions you know are wrong. Live in integrity. To hold your toung and not speak guile. To not judge others. To practice repentance . To be industrious; physically, mentally, intellectually, civicly and spiritually. To be modest in action, speech and dress. To be humble in your countenance. To be obedient and submissive to God's laws. To be generous with your time, heart, back, arms and all of your wealth. To forgive with your heart, not just with your lips. To be grateful and express your gratitude. To be a peacemaker and diffuse or deflect contention. To have faith and to share it with others.

No words Wednesday (almost)

by the way that is my finger. if you like this check out the BEST website in the world.

Procrastination, its what I'm good at

So I found this little cartoon on my friend Sam's blog
and couldn't help but borrow it for mine as it so aptly illustrates pretty much my entire life right now. There seem to be a lot of those monoliths looming (thesis, teaching, post graduation apocalypse, etc. etc.) and I am working really hard at trying to deconstruct them one brick at a time. . . but the internet is always there to numb my mind and distract my fears (viva la blog! viva la facebook!). Last night I gave the lession in my FHE group about living out of faith and not fear as I felt that was a real theme for me in this last General Conference and its something that has been on my mind a lot lately. I have to stop seeing those monoliths as big bone crushing machines and more like really cool rocks to climb and see great views from. Man, this post is quickly turning into an EFY talk . . . and I just wanted to talk about procrastination.

all creatures great and small

i can't stop laughing. maybe i love it because at some real level i have to admit this dino looks like my cat a little? thank you ashleigh.

crush part deux

ok ok, so like EVERYONE else there last night, i also fell wildly in love with carlos. so so so sexy. and this is an ILLEGAL photo of him! i had to put my phone in my bra to get this. thats dedication.

(i have a crush!)

and I'm not afraid to tell the world!!! my crush de jour is THE SHOUT OUT LOUDS!! a few months ago my cool friend matt sent me their new album 'our ill wills' and it was pretty much love at first listen- maybe it was that cure-esque poppy/sexy sound, or their inherent coolness by being from sweden, or how h-ing good looking they all are. . . but yeah. I was smitten. the crush smoldered quietly these past few months, and when I heard they were playing with interpol in slc you best believe I was buying a ticket. and tonight they delivered. Sadly, they didn't play as long as I'd have liked, but they were pretty freaking fantastic and I am giddy as a school girl in love with them all. sigh. crushes are so great.

Today is the day

i am going to get control of my life. I swear. I keep meaning to, and making paltry efforts at it, but its time, I've got to get in gear, make things happen, work hard, stay focussed, have hope, etc. etc. hard core. so I'm doing it. wish me luck.

Things I miss

Stoy Peruanita

Peru rocks. I had the best time ever. I am kind of sad to be back. I don't even know where to start. . . so I'll start with these pics.

terremoto

yesterday around 6 pm we were sitting in davey´s aunt´s apartament with the family when my chair began to wiggle a little, and then a little more, and then i realized that the whole room, and the whole building was not just wiggling, but shaking. we all jumped up and huddled under a doorway hugging, holding hands and davey´s uncle ´tata´ calling out to god to spare us. for about two minutes we room surfed, i was half smiling, half imagining what would happen if the building collapsed. but we were fine. the streets were full of people yelling, running, trying their dead cell phones. we ran back to the house we are staying at, half laughing, taking pictures as we ran. CRAZY!!! i guess it was about 7.6 on the r. scale. pretty big. it hit harder in the south. 387 dead, including, sadly, the 84 year old neighbor who we had met only two days before who called me a pretty doll. sad. there is an open casket outside the front door and lots of people sitting with the body.
we are safe though, and tonigh headed for huaraz to do some hiking in the andes and hopfully breath some clean air! xoxo

Curious Llama

well. . . i leave in 6 and a half hours for PERU!!! for a month. so there will be a blogging hiatus. . . the plan is backpacking in the andes, paragliding in lima, macchu picchu (duh), chillaxin' in the 'zon (thats amazon), reed boats in lake titicaca, and river rafting in arequipa. i'll post some pics when i'm back! xoxo zlb

this is for raquel

when asked recently what my favorite summer memories were, i instantly thought of the summer solstice when my dear friend r
and her husband came and did an earth art project with the kids at the ranch. we made huge yeti effigies on the ground out of branches and stones and then covered them with cob (mixture of straw, clay and water). of course what this means is essentially and very big, very messy, very fun mud fight.

the soundtrack of my life

i'm painting my living room today (green. . . duh! alfalfa to be exact) and just got real tired. so i looked at some blogs. saw this, thought it was perfect procrastination fodder. so i did it. i really like that my life opens with phoebe snow. she's so rad. barbara ann would be a really annoying but funny song to fight to. anyhow. here's to thunderstorms, green paint and great music. xoxo
here's how it works:
1. open your music library
2. put it on shuffle
3. press play
4. for every question, type the song that's playing
5. when you go to a new question, press the next button
6. don't lie and try to pretend you're cool.

opening credits: love makes a woman- phoebe snow
waking up: heavy metal- clap your hands and say yeah
first day at school: lakes of pontchartain- the be good tanyas
in love: celebration guns- stars
fight song: Barbara ann- the beach boys
breaking up: death of a shade of hue- of montreal
prom: snow- emiliana torrini
life's ok: earthquake weather- beck
mental breakdown: space maker- air
driving: sorry for laughing- nouvelle vague
flashback: puis-je?- ladybug transistor
getting back together: new monster avenue- the mountain goats
birth of child: bathtime in clerkenwell (rise ashen remix)- the real Tuesday weld
wedding: just goes to show- shortwave set
final battle: roadrunner- johnathan Richmond and the modern lovers
death scene: fever dream- iron and wine
funeral song: 5 years- bjork
end credits: still cold- mazzy star

Girls just wanna . . .

So I'm back in P-town after teening it up for the summer at the ranch and am enjoying being able to sleep in, spend time with friends, read, bike ride, float down the provo river, etc. However I MISS THOSE KIDS!!! The first boys session was great, and the girl's session (of which I'm the director. . . yipes! parents entrust me with their kids!) went better than I could have imagined. We had 12 incredible young ladies come and I was impressed over and over by their creativity, kindness, intelligence, humor, beauty and ability to kick butt working. We had a lot of fun replete with dance parties, campfires, backpacking (san rafael swell), rattlesnake sightings (we named him checkers), a lot of fantastic guests, friendship bracelet making, and general merriment. so to you girls i heart you a lot and can't wait to see you next year!